Category: erin is …

I need the music

Yesterday I had one of the painful experiences at work that I usually inflict on other people: going through feedback from peers and managers.

I’d taken a self-assessment, and the same questions were answered about me by peers on teams with me and by my managers. The very knowledgeable consultant who went through the responses with me also looked at another assessment I’d taken. (The Birkman, if you’re a nerdy development type.)

So the feedback itself wasn’t all that bad, it’s just the painful process of confronting how far your external habits fall from your internal perspective of what you do. There were also some pretty large indicators that I have existed and worked in a stressed-out way for far too long, and it’s coming across loud and clear and not in a nice way. Ick. So I have something to work on.

One of the most interesting things for me, though, was the consultant’s perspective and interpretation of the “Areas of Interest” in that Birkman assessment. These 10 categories (Artistic, Clerical, Musical, Literary, Social Services, Mechanical, Numerical, Outdoor, Persuasive, and Scientific) have nothing to do with talent, but seem to express my need for behaving in a certain way or interest in certain things.

My top area of interest? Like, 99 out of 100 points? Music.

As the consultant said, “This is what you need for healing. You need music, whether it’s listening or performing, to make your soul whole, particularly if you’re in this stressed place so much.”

What do I have almost none of in my life right now? Music.

The only music I tend to have right now are the songs I listen to while running.

So today, while I am trying to get through a ton of work and re-group from weeks on end of stress and manic behavior, I am drowning myself in music. Christmas, classical, “hipster Christmas music” (kill me now) … whatever I can soak in.

* * *

Another thing I’ve started doing for soul-healing and stress-relieving is acknowledging that there are simply some things in my life that I don’t like. I have been a people-pleaser my entire life, trying to be fair and not project favoritism. I’ll eat that cookie, even if I don’t like it, because YOU made it. I’ll listen to that song and try not to have a favorite, because it may cause conflict if we don’t like the same thing. I’ll try to be friends with everyone, even if I don’t like them, because that’s what good girls do.

So now I’m trying to acknowledge when I genuinely just DON’T LIKE or REALLY PREFER something or someone. It’s not a license or excuse to be rude or crabby (darn) … it’s a relief valve so I can acknowledge my true feelings and go on with the best way to behave while not being stressed.

I don’t like snickerdoodles or oatmeal raisin cookies at all.

I love chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies.

I don’t like this or that person.

I will be kind to them because someone I love loves them or because they simply deserve respect as a human being.

I don’t like The Little Drummer Boy.

love Silent Night.

I don’t like Mariah Carey’s version at all, but I’ve listened to this version three times today.

Heal your soul a bit, if you like:

Running Forecast

Last week I reported that I’d had a bust for training. Good intentions, road to hell, etc. I vowed to do better. I even had a running partner for Tuesday and Thursday morning!

Then it got cold. People north of Texas are laughing at me, but I looked at this forecast and said no way am I running 3 miles and then another six.

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The baby got sick with croup and ear infections, which meant no sleep for parents, which meant that I voted for a nap on Sunday instead of a six mile run on the treadmill. I really did have good intentions (road to hell, etc.) and was even going to take along the iPad to the gym to watch a movie or something to get me through 6 miles at my slow pace.

Didn’t happen.

In the interests of moving on, though, I will say that my two-day mileage was more than what my 3 day mileage used to be, even as recently as this summer. So yay for progress.

This week’s running forecast is the same as last week’s:

  • Tues: 3 miles
  • Thurs: 4 miles
  • Sat: 3 miles
  • Sun: 6 miles

Thirty days until the Disney World 10K!

Christmas obsessions

Apparently motherhood has made me obsessive.

For the moment, at least, I’m not obsessing over grades and schools and boyfriends and girlfriends and classes.

No, I’m obsessing over pajamas.

Yes, pajamas.

 

2012 Christmas PJs & Letter to Santa
2012 Christmas PJs & Letter to Santa

As many families do, my kids get new Christmas pajamas every year. This year I found adorable snowman pajamas at Carter’s. I bought some for Nora, some for Jude, and … oh wait. Huh. The store didn’t have Seth’s size.

“No matter!” I thought. “I am Super Mom! This is October! I have plenty of time!”

I can’t find those blasted pajamas anywhere.

I resisted ordering them online because I didn’t want to pay as much in shipping as I would for the pajamas. Now they’re completely gone.

I diligently checked our store, but they never had the 5T size in stock when I went in.

I’ve checked online storefronts for every other retailer I can think of that sells these pajamas. I’ve checked retailers I’ve never even heard of before. I’ve even trawled through eBay, and still didn’t turn up these pajamas for Seth.

Obsessed, I tell you.

Now I’m worried about my sensitive, brilliant little man noticing that he has pajamas that don’t match (if I can even find any!) and having his feelings hurt.

I worry about just how closely they match.

I consider buying pajamas one size too small just to get him matchings PJs with his baby brother. (That was the whole freaking point, to match up with his baby brother and feel connected! ARGH.)

Obsessed.

At least this year it’s not about whether the baby will be born before or after Christmas and whether I need “Baby’s First Christmas” stuff for a newborn. Ha ha, Jude showed me and was born on Christmas morning last year. Problem solved: two first Christmases,the birthday and the celebration day.

Now I just need a pajama solution.

(If you find them, please let me know!)

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